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A man comes back from work at night and heads straight to d bedroom to make love to his wife. When done, he goes straight to d kitchen to fetch himself a bottle of cold drink only to find his wife der looking for something in d frigde. He asks his wife how she quickly made it to d kitchen wen they've just finished making love. his wife says 'haaa!!! That was my mother in d bedroom?, she was so tired when she arrived' I let her sleep in our room. Alarmed, she runs to her mother and asks her y she didnt say something when her husband was making love to her. Mother replies and said: 'you know ur husband and I are not in talking terms. So i didn't want to be d one to talk to him first!

POLICE: 'ma'am your husband has been involved in an accident, we need u to come and identify the body." WIFE: "I am busy right now, take his picture, post it on facebook. POLICE: We need your physical appearance WIFE: Tag my name on it, if he is the one I will click "LIKE"

It 'was on a nite of Dec 31st, when Jimoh dragged a drunk Abraham into the midnite new year eve service. Pastor was preaching; Pastor: and the Lord said unto Abraham, Abraham, what do u have under ur bossom? Abraham was stunned, looked at Jimoh: see wetin u cause now, how Pastor take know say i don shayo? Pastor: and the Lord said a 2nd time, Abraham, Abraham, what do u have under ur bossom? Drunk Abraham screamed from the back of the church: A bottle of whisky, my Lord!

Policeman: Man, how did u kill 50 people in a car accident? Man: i was driving at about 40mph, when i tried to stop i found that i had no brakes. i saw 2 men walking on the street and a wedding on d other side of d street, who should i hit? Policeman: of course the 2 men,less damage. Man: that's what i thought to myself, but when i did it, i hit only one and the other one ran to the wedding, SO I DROVE AFTER HIM!

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED ! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. , On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you ? Just look at you, you have no legs." The old man smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you !" She snorted. "You don't have any arms either !" Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you !" She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "Rang the doorbell, didn't I ? Husband Wanted

Amaka had really talked about her boyfriend to her female friends. She told them how rich, caring, generous and handsome her guy was, and that he wuld be coming to visit the next evening. High expectation rose from everyone, the guy actually came the next evening but with a loaf of AGEGE BREAD as a gift to his girlfriend. The girl was very disappointed and angry, she threw the bread at him and insulted, disgraced, humiliated him to the fullest, in the presence of everyone. Embittered, the guy took the AGEGE BREAD, sliced it into two and behold A CAR KEY and AN ENGAGEMENT RING fell out of the bread. (1.) What wuld you do if you were the guy? (2.) What wuld you do if you were the girl? Say ur mind

-If a Barber make a mistake, it's a new style. -If an engineer make a mistake, it's a new venture. -If a driver make a mistake, it's a new path. -If a politician make a mistake, it's a new Law. -If a scientist make a mistake, it's an invention. - If a Tailor make a mistake, it's a new fashion. -If a pilot make a mistake, it's what? ---when a Drive make a great mistake, the result is WHAT? **TRY TO WRITE MORE BY YOURSELF

Nigeria is the only country where...... An engineer that graduated with a first class degree doesn't know how to speak or write in proper English. There is no electricity, but you are still paying a light bill. A minor can be arrested for stealing a gsm phone and put in an adult jail, forgotten and then released 4 years later. The presidents wife is getting a monthly salary when she doesn't work. A plane crashes in a densely populated area and an ambulance arrives 2 hours later causing the death of all the passengers. A politician can steal a large amount of money and nobody will say anything about it. You are accepted into a 4 year institution at 17, but you'll end up graduating when you are 25. A Blackberry phone is a fashion accessory. You have to be frisked before you get into a church.#bokoharam We are the giant of Africa but we have the highest mortality rate in West Africa, we are on the top ten list of the most dangerous countries in the world. we ...

i wrote waec like 9times even the year that i did not write waec send me result, na jamb own worst pass, on my birthday jamb sent me one polo at the back of the shirt, they wrote,OUR DEAREST COSTOMER

David & Micheal were lost in the Sahara desert. They were dying of thirst and hunger when they saw a mosque. David said: "let's pretend we are muslims,otherwise we'll not get any food or drink. i'm going to call myself "Ahmed". Micheal refused to change his name and said: "I will not pretend to be other than but what I am!" The Imam of the mosque received both well and asked about their names David said: "My name is Ahmed" Micheal said: "My name is Micheal" The Imam turned to his followers and said: "Please bring food and water for Micheal only" and then he turned to David (Ahmed) and said "RAMADAN MUBARAK BROTHER

In a nursery class, a little girl asks teacher," can Mom get pregnant? Teacher : how old is your mother? Little girl: she is forty. Teacher: yes she can get pregnant. Little girl: can my big sister get pregnant? Teacher: how old is your big sister ? Little girl; she is nineteen. Teacher: of course your sister can certainly get pregnant. Little girl:so what about me , can I get pregnant? Teacher : how old are you? Little girl: I'm five years old! Teacher: you can't get pregnant ! Then the little boy behind the little girl gave her a poke and says ," I told you we had nothing to worry about! Teacher fainted... Little Children

Pastor, my dog is dead. Could there be a service for the poor creature? Pastor replied, “No, we cannot have service for an animal in the church. But there is a new church down the road maybe…they will do something for the…animal.” The man answered “Pastor, but do you think they will accept a donation of USD $250, 000 in returning for the burial service. Pastor exclaimed, sweet Jesus! Why didn’t You tell me the dog was a Christian. Christian Dog

A 4 year Old Kid kept telling his teacher about his baby sis who was going to be born, because he was very excited about it. 1 day his mom made him feel the baby’s movements by placing his palm, on her stomach. The kid didn’t say anything. From that day onwards he stopped telling his teacher about his baby sis. 1 day when his teacher inquired about his baby sis. the boy’s eyes were filled with tears. He replied. My Mummy ate it!

A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him. The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said: ” Yes, I can put you right.” After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel. The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells: “You idiot, you gave me a woman’s ears.” “Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man’s or a woman’s.” “You’re wrong, I hear everything, but I don’t understand a thing!”

Most Stupid Questions People Ask And Stupid Answers To Give!!! My guy how far na,its been a while,NA YOUR FACE BE THIS? Answer:NO NA MY HIPS. Guy how far?NA YOU BE THIS? Answer:NO OH! NA MY PAPA WHEN HIM YOUNG. Good to meet you.Thanks,meet my wife! EHEN!NA YOUR WIFE BE THIS? Answer:NO OH!NA MY MAMA CLASS MATE. Give me your phone number-08034... ....THANKS.SO YOU DEY USE MTN? Answer:NO!!!NA PHCN I DEY USE. I listened to 9 o'clock news,it was announced that the election was postponed.ENEE! !!WHO TOLD YOU? Answer:NA ONE NATIVE DOCTOR FOR MY STREET. Take this insecticide;e dey kill insect fast...thanks bros.E DEY KILL MOSQUITOS? Answer:NO,E DEY KILL ELEPHANT..lolz

There were four tight friends named; Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job 2 be done by the four. Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did the job. Somebody got angry about this, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done! Who is at fault?

Husband & wife were arguing on who is d most Coward & Scared between dem. After a long argument, they decided to ask their 2 kids who they think was d most Coward & Scared between them. The first Kid (Junior)says: Dad is d most Coward cos, 1: "He's scared of women: Whenever he sees a Beautiful lady in town; He closes his one eye (i.e- WINKs @ d LADY)...... Wife realizing d meaning was very angry w ith her husband" The Second kid (faith)says: "dat is nothing My Daddy is not coward as our mummy becos, Mummy is so Scared (coward) to Sleep alone When DAD works Night shift, MUMMY Sleeps with d Man next door; Sometimes She invites d GARDENER or Uncle KINGSLEY to Sleep wit Her. Sometimes Uncle Mayowa d Youth Corper, after leaving ur room even escort her to the bathroom & bath with her just because she's scared. HUSBAND FAINTED IMMEDIATELY! —

A woman was beating her son for stealing. After thoroughly beating him, she asked 'do you know where your stealing will take you'. The son said yes I know. Surprised, the mother asked where? And the son replied - National Assembly...... National Assembly

Wife and Maid. A housewife, realising that the housemaid had started behaving funny, decided to engage her one morning. Madam: "Chinyere why you don begin dey behave anyhow these days? E be like say u no wan know ya mate for this house again o! Face no dey fear face for ya village?"Abi you don carry craze for head? Chinyere responded immediately: "Look at you, you call yourself Madam, which kind wife wey u be? Afterall my food dey sweet pass ur own, " Madam: "Ehn!!!!! Who told you that you cook better than i do?"

A girl went 2 see a pastor for councelling & she was asked wat happened, she simply replied; my boyfriend did bad thing 2 me. The pastor asked; did he beat u? She said no. Did he slapped u? She said no. The pastor hugged her, did he do dis 2 u? She said no. The pastor kissed her, did he do dis 2 u? She said no. The pastor lay her down & make luv wit her, did he do dis wit u? She said no. Wat did he now do? She said; he gave me AIDS. The pastor fainted. Pls WHO IS @ FAULT? Is it the girl or the pastor. Tell me ur own opinion!!!